There is only one way under high heaven to get anyone to do anything, just one. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.” –John Dewey
“God Himself, Sir, does not propose to judge people until their end of days. Why should you and I?
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes great character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
“If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you. “ -- Henry Ford
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” --William James
“There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” -- Charles Schwab
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other is insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish, the other is selfish.
“Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself”
You are eternally interested in what you want. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you; interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
“If there is any secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own.” -- Henry Ford
“First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”
You can make more friends in two months be becoming interested in other people you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring” – Alfred Adler
People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.
Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it – and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.
“Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.” -- Emerson
Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.
If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be a attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Always make the other person feel important!
“Hatred is never ended by Hatred, but by Love.” –Buddha
1. Welcome the disagreement. “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.”
2. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first reaction is to be defensive. Be careful, keep calm, watch out for your first reaction.
3. Control your temper. You can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
4. Listen first. Do not resist, defend or debate.
5. Look for areas of agreement. First dwell an areas in which you agree.
6. Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponent and reduce defensiveness.
7. Promise to think over your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully and mean it.
8. Thank you opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.
9. Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem. In the mean time ask yourself the following questions: Could my opponents be right? Is there merit in their position? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? What price will I pay if I win?
“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”
-- Galileo
“Men must be taught as if you taught them not
And things unknown proposed as things forgot.” – Alexander Pope
I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.
There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.
“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our own wishes, our wants and our thoughts.
“In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.” -- Emerson
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; thought his place be before them, they don not count it an injury.”
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.
“I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview, than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person – from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives – was to answer.”